It’s no secret that I suffer from anxiety. It’s something I’ve struggled with since I was a teenager. Maybe even before that. I honestly just always remember feeling this way to some extent. But, it was always something I kind of just managed on my own. It was never extremely bad. Sure, I had bad days, but it was manageable. So, I never took medication for it.
Well, that’s not entirely true. When my mom first disappeared I was put on anxiety medication and I hated how it made me feel at the time. And, again, when my dad had his heart attack I was put on anxiety medication that ended up making my anxiety worse, but also made me angry all the time.
Because of those experiences, I kept telling myself I didn’t need the medication. That I could just keep managing this on my own. Logically, I knew that I was probably just put on medications that didn’t work for me and I should keep trying until I found one that did, but I really thought I could deal with it on my own.
I kept thinking that until about two years ago. That was about the time I bought my house. My anxiety progressively got worse after that. I had a lot of issues with the neighborhood kids and I really think that pushed me over the edge with my anxiety. I struggled to leave the house. I struggled to be in the house. I made plans depending on whether or not I thought the neighborhood kids would be outside. It was ridiculous. I was letting them run my life.
That was just the beginning of my anxiety getting worse. Those kids no longer live in my neighborhood, but my anxiety still got worse. I stopped making plans with people. I struggled at work. I still struggled leaving my home and even being in my home. If I did leave to go to some event or see family/friends, I would only last maybe an hour before I needed to go home because of my anxiety.
Essentially, the anxiety was running my life. I finally broke down. I couldn’t keep living this way. I wasn’t really even living at all. I spoke with a couple of my friends who also suffer from anxiety about my desire to speak to a doctor about medication. Both of my friends fully supported me.
My first step was finding a new doctor. My previous doctor did not care about my mental health issues. She brushed them off whenever I talked about them. So, obviously I had anxiety about even finding a doctor to see. Luckily I found an amazing doctor who was very compassionate and listened to everything I said. She agreed that I should at least try some medication and prescribed me something that same day.
I have only been on the medication about three weeks now. Next week I plan on giving a one month update on how the medication is working/not working/side effects/etc.